Bodybuilding and I were together for a long time. We were together for so long, in fact, that a large chunk of my identity was tied to BB. There were highs and there were lows. BB helped me to become a better person and a stronger person. BB supported me in achieving things I never thought I could accomplish. Many meaningful friendships resulted from my relationship with BB. There were times that I felt I was in love and that maybe BB was “the one.” However, BB and I began to grow apart. Our priorities began to diverge. We started having more frequent conflicts. It even came down to crying myself to sleep on some nights because I didn’t think I could ever be what BB wanted me to be. My relationship with BB began to consume my life in an unhealthy way. The tension between us came to a head at my show in March. I was miserable and knew that we were no longer compatible and had outgrown each other. I had to end it.
I experienced the inevitable feeling of being lost and wondering who I was once BB was no longer in my life after years of being together. I took some time for myself to reconnect with who I am at my core and what my values are as a person on my own. I appreciated the good things that BB gave me, and did my best to let go of the things that weren’t as positive. I sometimes had second thoughts about whether I had done the right thing. I wondered if I should try to work things out with BB.
And then, I met Crossfit. Well, not exactly. CF and I have known each other for a long time, but only as acquaintances. I never gave CF the time of the day before because I was with BB. Now that I was unattached, I took a second look at CF, and well…I liked what I saw. It was scary to begin a new relationship, and there were times that I wanted to chicken out. I didn’t want to go through the pain of another failed relationship and the inevitable awkwardness that happens when you first get to know someone. But, we made a first date, and I showed up. I wasn’t sure how to feel after the first time – it was so different from what I was used to. It wasn’t at all what I expected, but first dates are always awkward. So I decided to give CF a second date. Every date since then, I like CF more and more.
CF is intense. CF is unconventional. And let’s face it, CF is a little bit of an asshole. But CF also accepts me as I am. CF doesn’t care if I am a certain percent body fat. CF doesn’t expect me to wear makeup to the gym. CF likes me drenched in sweat and gasping for air. CF wants me to be physically and mentally strong. I have also been introduced to a very supportive group of CF’s friends and family in the short time we’ve known each other. In relationships, I’m often drawn to the potential I see in the other person, but in this relationship, I am drawn to the potential I see in myself thanks to CF’s perspective. CF is unpredictable, which is has been a challenge for me. But, I am convinced that so far CF is helping me become a better person, the person I was meant to be.
CF and I have only been dating for a short time. I’m scared to make a serious commitment, but I think I need to give it a shot. BB and I have managed to stay friends, but there is still some tension and hurt feelings. I don’t know if CF is the one, or just a fling, but I’m excited to see what happens. Just like some people were critical of my relationship with BB, some people also have concerns about my relationship with CF. While I appreciate that they just don’t want to see me get hurt, I have to decide what’s right for me.
Dating metaphors aside, I signed up at Crossfit Weddington for unlimited monthly membership and have scaled back my sessions with my trainer to one day per week instead of four. I haven’t been able to go to as many Crossfit classes as I want to because of my work travel lately, but I am aiming to go 3-4X per week and give it my all. More to come!
P.S. This video helps illustrate exactly why I feel CF and I are made for each other…