Whew! I got back from my 3.5 day work trip to Boston yesterday. It was rough, I’m not going to lie. I wasn’t flawless. Competing sometimes felt like the furthest thing from my mind. It’s as if all of the negotiating/insurance information I was being immersed in during the conference pushed my usual life and personal goals right out of my head. I had a couple of hundred calories extra on 2 of the 3 days, but nothing crazy. I did work out while I was there as well. However, I felt immensely relieved when I got back home and into my normal routine/eating schedule/environment.
The closer I get to the show, the less confident I seem to feel about how I look. Everyone keeps assuring me I look lean and I look ready, but my perception is apparently off. I’m sure it’s just nerves. I anxiously awaited my coach’s response to the pictures I took on Friday when I got back, but he assured me I am right where I need to be and am going to come in looking exactly the way I need to! I’m running on trust, faith, and fumes at this point!
I’ve been giving a lot of thought to what is going to happen after the show. I don’t want to get too ahead of myself, but having a post-competition plan is really important. I pretty much blew it big time after my first competition. I gained around 10 lbs in 3 days, ate crap for about a month straight, and stopped going to the gym. I felt awful. And guilt-ridden. And like the biggest hypocrite on the planet.
My prep this time has been much less rigid and extreme, so I don’t feel the kind of desperation and deprivation that I did last time. I’ve had 3 cheat meals during the course of this prep. I’ve been doing a moderate/sustainable amount of cardio all along, even now that I’m a week out. I’ve continued to gain strength when lifting, and I’ve lost minimal muscle mass while getting competition lean. I certainly want to have a nice meal once the show is over and celebrate, but I don’t feel this overwhelming urge to eat everything and anything like I did last time. I pretty much hated training by the time I got to the end of prep last time, but am still enjoying my workouts at this point (although some are better than others). I am still undecided about whether I will compete again next month in Charlotte, but that decision will obviously impact my post-competition plan. I think it’s too soon to make that decision. I want to see how I place and how I feel during and after the show in Phoenix.
One thing I’m excited about is I am doing a fitness photo shoot the day after the finals (which means no crazy binges after the finals are over on Saturday night). Regardless of where I place, I think having some professional photos to show off my hard work will be a nice reward. I’ll admit that I am kind of worried that my body won’t be “photo-shoot worthy,” but I’m doing my best to silence those anxieties. I just really want them to turn out well and to be proud. A secret goal of mine is to have professional photos of myself that are “fitspiration” worthy, so I’m hoping that’s what I’ll end up with!
So, as I find myself on the verge of “peak week,” I am feeling a mix of excitement, resignation, confidence, and anxiety. After 15 weeks, the day I have been so diligently working toward and anxiously awaiting will arrive. I can only stay positive and hope for the best!